Terms of Endearment

My father calls me "Care Bear" and has done so ever since the 1982 heyday of the popular plush toy with the varying cute designs on it's belly. My mom, sister, and I all call each other "Bia" and nobody can quite agree on how this began. My theory is that it originally derived from my little sister who - when in a moment of provocation from moi - started to call me a "Beeyatch" (which most know is simply an urbanized and hip way of calling someone a "Bitch") but because she did not want to get into trouble for saying such a word, stopped herself at "Beeeyah-". Somewhere along the way this very nasty name became a loving term of endearment. In fact, I use the word 'Bia' more than I do 'mom'. I call my brother "Manzier" which is a spin-off of a Seinfeld episode wherein Kramer, George and Mr. Costanza are trying to come up with a brassiere for men: The Bro or The Manzier. Even my closest friends have terms of endearments attached to their names by the addition of a simple possessive pronoun: my. My friend Julie is "majulie" and my friend Brooke is "mabrooke". All of these loving petnames evolved inasmuch as the relationships themselves have evolved, and are reminders of how dear each of these people are to me.

And though I've never had problems coming up with or incorporating terms of endearment for friends or family, it has always been difficult for me to use them in my dating life. Words like "sweetheart" or "honey" feel foolish and foreign coming out of my mouth, and don't even get me started on the word "baby". Perhaps it's that I've not had practice at it. My past relationships were so brief that terms of endearment never entered the picture. I once dated a guy that called me "Sweetface". And then after we broke up and I spoke with him he called me "Kiddo". My how things can change.

From nearly the beginning, the Dashing Litigator and I have been calling each other 'lovey' in our emails and aloud. Though when it is mentioned in the latter form, it is always said in the Thurston Howell III "Giligan's Island" kind of way. It is a very silly and goofy term of endearment and always said in a haughty, putting-on-airs kind of way.

We've also started changing the adjectives in our nicknames. He has, on days, been The Darling Litigator, the Drunk Litigator, the Drowsy Litigator and the Duracell Litigator. While I have been The Charismatic Actress, the Cavalier Actress, the Clumsy Actress and the Caring Actress.

About a month ago, I was staying over at the Dashing Litigator's and was battling what were the beginning symptoms of a cold. I was in that scratchy, hard-to-swallow phase which was also making it hard to sleep. At one point in the middle of the night I coughed and winced aloud in pain. The Dashing Litigator was roused from his sleep and said, "Are you ok, baby?" I nodded silently and tried to get back to sleep. But there it was: baby. In the dark I laid there shocked and pleasantly thrilled.

In the coming days he'd begin to incorporate honey into his every day vocabulary with me. It sounded lovely and natural and made me feel warm and hugged.

Good morning, honey.

What's that, honey?

Hi honey.

What do you think, honey?

But I had a hard time saying it back. And I began to wonder what was wrong with me. I certainly had the mushy feelings to go along with the mushy words. What then, was my problem? I rationalized that it must be because the Dashing Litigator has had more long-term relationships than I have. Certainly when you're in a relationship that lasts three years the honeys, babys and sweethearts come as naturally as breathing. When you're only with someone for two months, that's barely enough time to feel natural saying their 'actual' name.

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The Dashing Litigator and I are out to dinner and staring at each other with googly eyes over our pasta. He reaches across the table and takes my hand. "Hi honey." He says. I smile. "Hi." He lets go of my hand and focuses on his pasta, stabbing at it and twisting the noodles with his fork. "I need to stop doing that, " he says.

Doing what?

"Calling you 'honey'. I'm realizing that I do it all the time. I'm starting to annoy myself."

I put my own fork down and put a hand on his arm. "Please don't stop. I have an entire lifetime of 'honeys' that I need to catch up on."

He smiles. "Well me, too. Even though I may have had more lengthy relationships than you have, they've all been seriously lacking in the 'honey' department. So you see, I too, have a lifetime of 'honeys' to catch up on.

Let's not waste anymore time then. Alright, honey?